A belated update on my March art practice

Here it is, the end of March and I haven’t updated my Studio Notes all month. You would think it’s been crickets in the art studio as well. But oh no, l I’ve been quite busy!

Twenty-six art journal pages in march

My whole art practice shifted this month.

It’s hard to believe, but I began creating visual art in journals almost 15 years ago and I continue to this day.

And yet, this month I’ve come to understand that I didn’t really believe in it. Can that be true? I think it is. I resisted identifying with myself as an art journaler.

I have to credit Amandaswork for big help in perspective shift as she shared her process and mindset, but also it’s taken a lot of inner self recalibration work to learn how I value myself to get to this point. But this month I finally came to a place where I could accept that, well, filling art journals is worthy of creative practice.

Of couse, I’ve always known this. I have filled sketchbooks with line and color, shape and form for years because at some level I believed in its value, its worthiness. But I don’t know, I also questioned its legitimacy, I guess. Making art “just” for myself didn’t feel like enough.

But the truth kind of settled. I was tired of fighting myself. I create in art journal to have the experience of making—within and for myself, and I am enough to receive such a gift. And filling books with art IS such a gift.

So I just I decided to just do it—really do it—this month. I created pages nearly every day and I released concern about good or bad, beautiful or ugly. And this alone was a shift because yes, I admit again, in the past I tried to fill every page with a full, final, good composition. I had to let go of this really persistent fear I’ve always had with every blank page: that I had no ideas. Which really meant no good ideas. Instead, I got curious.

What if I just start and fully accept the results even when they suck—maybe especially when they suck? And yeah, I’ve known intellectually, that this is the way, for years. Make a lot and make a lot of bad art to get to the good. But it’s another thing to actually do it.

As you can see above, I let go of those expectations (and perfectionism) and I just let myself come to the page every day. And yes, some pages are pretty bad…but some? I either like quite a lot—or I see kernels of ideas for other ideas…

Anyway, for whatever reason, I finally let myself go, and that’s how I’ve worked all month. Now, fear has been largely replaced with excitement to see what will actually come from my hands and my heart over the days and weeks and months ahead. Probably more than nothing. Probably new ideas, some good ones. How will what I do here inform other work? Or maybe, I’ll just have had spent really good time every day.

Oh—and I don’t need to share every page I make. In fact, I probably don’t need to share most of it (“I am enough”).

And/Both/Also: Art journaling doesn’t have to be my only art practice.

I art journal AND I make other things: paintings and collages, zines, comics, essays... Although I’d say lately those other things have become fewer and farther between, but I’m just saying (out loud, to myself), it doesn’t have to be either/or. I can be an art journaler and also a maker of other things.

I do think that one of the problems I had with art journaling is that i create for myself there, but I do very much believe that art is made to be shared. I believe art is a fundamental human force for good that enriches our human experience on this planet with beauty, empathy, human connection, insight, delight…the list goes on. We take art so for granted, but a world without art—music, story, imagery, writing—would be dreary and alienating—even impossible. It’s not just enrichment—art makes survival possible. Story, music, film, the visual arts in its many forms—so much art from other artists has altered my life completely. Shouldn’t I create for others too? 

The answer is yes. I feel that calling. I can’t deny it. It’s time to think about making art with the intention to share it. And I can do that too. Both/and, not either/or.

And so with this permission shift, I’ve been thinking about what to make as an art practice, as an ongoing effort and I do have some ideas, and I feel very much at peace with the idea of creating for both myself and for others. That proverbial juggler spinning plates comes to mind. With the art journaling plate fully spinning now, I feel like I can pick up a few more plates and get them spinning too. I feel renewed energy and focus.

Hello April…